Finding the right balance: Fleishman is in Trouble takes on parenting in the 21st century

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Finding the right balance: Fleishman is in Trouble takes on parenting in the 21st century

For those of you who haven’t yet seen Hulu’s dramatic series “Fleishman Is in Trouble”, it’s really about the different forms of existential crises that people face in middle age. The show contemplates the challenges of maintaining a marriage, parenting in the digital age, job dissatisfaction, suburban listlessness, and how a responsible adult might reconcile these dilemmas and chart a new course forward.  It manages to explore these weighty themes with earnestness and humor, and without sounding too pedantic–that’s the magic elixir that captures your attention and holds it nicely in place. The life of Dr Fleishman, a 41-year-old recently divorced hepatologist living in New York City, is the fulcrum around which all of these conversations turn. 

Despite the fact that I do not have children of my own, I found many of the scenes that emphasized the challenges of parenting and the regulation of screen time to be among the most compelling. The brunt of this article, therefore, will focus on these particular themes. 

For instance, when Fleishman’s 11-year-old daughter first asks him for an Iphone and permission to use Instagram, he flat-out refuses. Even though his soon-to-be ex-wife plays devil’s advocate, and suggests a more relaxed, mainstream approach–so that their kids will “fit in”–he won’t relent. He insists upon shielding her from the perils of digital addiction and corruptive influence of social media. 

The reason why this dialogue between Fleischmann and his daughter struck me as such a salient part of the show is because I consider myself a bit of a digital junkie. Even though I grew up without smartphones, I too, often feel like my brain has been hijacked; like I’m nothing more than a rat suckling at the teat of a dopamine dispenser. 

So the show begs the question: What is a responsible parent supposed to do?  It’s obviously such a complex question with a million different variables and no clear cut right or wrong answers. Are tablets after school OK? To help with homework assignments? What about giving a 9-year-old a smartphone, in the case of an emergency?  Single moms that work two jobs may have a different perspective than a co-parented household that works remotely. 

Because the show’s main character is a physician, it seems to pose a similar question to the medical community.  Is it incumbent upon us to do a better job informing parents about the influence of digital media? (The American Academy of Pediatrics issued an extensive report in 2016 entitled, Children and Adolescents and Digital Media which is chock-full of evidenced based information for those interested in the subject.)

While the writer of “Fleishman,” Taffy Brodesser-Akner, gives some hints about her digital politics she doesn’t reveal too much or oversimplify the conversation. She seems to advise parents to tread with caution and try to avoid hypocrisy.  This becomes evident when Fleischmann first dips his toe into New York’s online dating pool. As his distraction demonstrates, it is not easy to be a positive, digital role model. 

Perhaps that scene that best demonstrates the complexity of parenting in the digital age is the one in which Fleishman receives a call to pick up his daughter from a sleep away camp. Much to his dismay, the camp is forced to dismiss her after discovering a lewd text she sent to another camper (from a phone he eventually caved in and bought for her). The scene highlights the tough call parents often have to make: Should they provide access to a phone while a child is away from home and knowingly expose an immature mind to such a powerful tool? 

The good news for viewers is that Fleishman does leave them on more solid ground with regard to parenting in general. He reminds us that there are still core objective ingredients to the job; patience, empathy, encouragement, and fierce protection. It’s about finding the right balance between knowing when to dole out some tough love and when to be more flexible and open-minded. No matter how the digital landscape continues to evolve, those key principles are unlikely to change anytime soon.

Eric Dessner MD is an ophthalmologist in Brooklyn, NY.

He is the founder and CEO of

His work has appeared in The Baltimore Sun, The Dallas Morning News, The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Medpagetoday and

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February 18, 2023 6:34 pm

It would be easy to fall into despair at the way screens of all kinds have usurped our and our children’s ability to converse, daydream, or be content in our own company — without distraction. I’m pleased to read that Fleishman offers some useful principles to apply to parenting. Lead by example is prudent, albeit difficult, for many parents in the digital age. And tough love . . . maybe parents need to practice this… Read more »

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